I was reading Nicholas Kristof’s first blog of the New Year as it was tweeted to me (yes, I tweet). In it he graciously explains how, yes, he did graduate from Harvard, but now he is a man of the people, so he is dropping the pretentious middle initial. And the tie. Hence the joke, “How are the 2014 Knicks like the 2014 Kristof? No D.” My first reaction was, “Why would he think anyone would care?” I am a huge Kristof fan, but really, get a grip.
One good thing which did come from my reading of the blog was the realization that there are so many things out there that no on cares about, and which we could probably do without in 2014. Naturally I felt compelled to make a list. In no particular order.
Miley Cyrus’s tongue. We were treated to a tongue lashing this year by the twerking pop star who is determined to distance herself from Hannah Montana. I can live with the music, work on the fashion, keep the tongue where it belongs. You are not Michael Jordan.
People who use “hashtag” in conversation. “My blind date thought I was so immature. Hashtag stuck up.” #lame #getalife
And closely related but from a slightly older crowd, air quotes. Anybody dumb enough not to understand your sarcasm, irony or clever innuendo will probably just think you are snapping at mosquitoes anyway. Go back to the wild gesticulations and leave the air quotes home.
Anything Kardashian. I know the show has a huge following, but consider this. If “Keeping Up” went the way of the Kristof D would anyone really be put out? Other than Rob Kardashian of course. I don’t think so.
Travis Kalanick, or “The High Kalanick” as he is known to his employees. We get it. You want to be somebody. You want the 30 something crowd to like you. You have to be “disruptive”. But your own customers and investors wouldn’t really mind if you just clammed up for a bit and let your product speak for itself.
Movies that last more than two hours and thirty minutes. Maybe it’s just me and my rapidly receding 50th birthday, but there is no way I am going to sit through a three hour Leonardo Di Caprio Movie In a theater. I’ll wait for cable thanks. Anybody going to miss “Waterworld”?
Retail car salesmen. Isn’t it about time we said “No Mas” to the bait and switch, the nebulous price, the “Let me check with my manager in the back?” Vending machines. Put in a credit card, select your options, it gives you a firm price. No haggling. Put your credit card in the slot and drive home.
Borough Presidents. What exactly do they do anyway? After they run for office I mean. Has anyone ever looked back and said, “ Helen Marshall! Now there was a great borough president.” Or a bad one for that matter. Does anyone care?
Coming soon to a blog near you, top things we actually do want to see in 2014. Stay tuned “airquote.